big big fan

Never was a
fangirl. Never
was a big big
fan. Never

wore a dress
like the other
girls.
Sat
in tight
black jeans like you
did
heard the
the music felt the
wave
Heard
your
sound and
fell in love. So loud
fell in love with your
whole world
I wore my
tight
black jeans and
fell in love with
everything that
you are.

New Leaf

Something happened. I don’t care any more.

Many circumstantial factors may have come into play here, recent events with lovers, family and friends. I’ve had a mental shift. But it’s not like usual, I’m not buzzing with bi-polar ecstasy, I’m just, calm. Motivated. Directionally okay. I’m working tonight, thrown into servicing the busy end of an Irish bar – in the middle of the Brisbane CBD on a Saturday night – and it’s only my second shift. And I’m okay. I know that I have time. If I need to take thirty seconds to find the TooheysDry button, I will.

On the other side of town, I’m about to lose the job I’ve been working at, comfortably, as a second home, for two years. And to make matters more interesting, I’ve just come into a bit of debt. An electronic error saw me accidentally spend my rent money on my holiday, and the debt collectors for the Civic Video in East Brisbane have finally caught up with me ($105) but, I just don’t care. Time will continue to move forward, and I will continue to find a way through, and on the way, I plan the relax, and smile at just how lucky I am to be alive, with a bunch people around me that care, and would go to the end of the Earth for me.

I have people that dislike me, some recently acquired, some an age old, still threatening to bury their negativity into my psyche. But these days it’s rolling off. I’m deleting your texts as they come in, laughing at how immature you are, and how easy it is to forget. I just don’t care. I’m not going to die, as much as you wish it. I’m not going to thank you for the lessons. Instead, I’m going to laugh at you with my friends and think about how smart I was for leaving you.

I’m walking along the sand, holding hands with myself, smiling at the sunrise.